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East
3rd Street, between Avenues A and B (closer to A) * New York City * USA |
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Ho ho ho . . . OH NO! Celebrate the holidays with an army of axe-murdering Santas, holiday witches, and evil elves! Presented with very special thanks to James Felix McKenney. |
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GOODBYE 20th CENTURY (dir. Darko
Mitrevski Fri Dec 22 7:15pm - buy tix
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a
film about the merry Santa Claus "Like
an insane comic book come to life." "I
don't get it. . . incomprehensible." This
post-apocalyptic tale conveys the hardship and misery the world endures
after global destruction and turmoil has taken their toll. It's 2019,
and the immortal Kuzman is desperately trying to determine his destiny,
in turn, figuring out a way to die. He's remorseful of his sinful incestuous
behavior. During his journey through time, the mockery of the 20th century
unfolds and we discover how our world will eventually come to its catastrophic
end. As it turns out, the "merry" Santa Claus 2000, goes on
a frenzied rampage; his wrath leaving mercy on no one. He demolishes
our world, and those who survived this tragedy were sentenced to immortal
life in the post-apocalyptic ruins of the 20th century. |
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ELVES (dir. Jeffrey Mandel, 89 mins, 1984) * projected from a bad video transfer Fri Dec 22 10:45pm - buy tix |
Satanic
rituals, Nazi scientists, Horny teenagers, Drowned Cats . . . Merry Christmas! A young woman discovers that she is the product of an Evil Nazi experiment involving selective breeding and demonic elves, an attempt to create a race of supermen. She and two of her friends are trapped in a department store with both elves and neo-Nazis. Their only hope is Dan Hagerty, who portrays a homeless, recovering alcoholic ex-con ex-cop, currently trying to hold down a job as a department store Santa Claus. |
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SANTA SMOKES (dir. Till Schauder & Chris Valentien, 81 mins, 2003) Sat Dec 23 7pm - buy tix |
In this magical tale, an unsuccessful actor, Johnny Jones (Till Schauder a.k.a. Terror), takes the only part he can get - as Santa Claus handing out flyers in New York's Christmas frenzy. Hating this unwanted "lead role", Santa punches, steals and smokes his way through Manhattan. But everyone deserves a moment of luck, and so even this malevolent St. Nick eventually meets his Angel (Kristy Jean Hulslander). In a fabulous Christmas romance, Johnny Jones, a timely asphalt cowboy full of illusions, experiences his own "Miracle on 34th Street."
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SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT (dir. Charles E. Sellier Jr., 85 mins, 1984) * 35mm print Sat Dec 23 10:45pm - buy tix |
Banned in Finland! Poor
Ricky -- as a child he saw his parents slaughtered by a psychotic murderer
in a Santa Claus suit, and then he had to go into an orphanage run by
a sadistic nun. Now he's grown-up and out in the world, with his first
real job... doing guess what? Playing good old Saint Nick! Those little
boys and girls just better watch out... cause Santa Claus is coming
to town.
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| Vicious Christmas * Sunday Shorts RACIST CHRISTMAS CARTOONS Sun Dec 24 5:15pm - buy tix This is a Sunday Shorts program. Early evenings on many Sundays, the Pioneer presents programs of short films. |
Come
to the Pioneer for an assortment of Christmas cartoons and ridiculous
short movies about Santa. Okay, we admit that not all of these films
are actually racist Christmas cartoons, but some of them are, and boy
oh boy, isn't that enough for you? What, were you attracted to this
synopsis because you're a racist? What's your problem? Do you just watch
movies that make you feel superior to other people? What kind of theater
do you think we are? |
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CHRISTMAS
EVIL (dir. Lewis Jackson, 100 mins, 1980) * 35mm print Tues Dec 26 7pm - buy tix This is a Tuesdays@7 program. Every Tuesday at 7pm features special guests presenting their film, and is followed by a beer and pizza reception for ticket holders. Sponsored by Harpoon India Pale Ale, Radeberger Pilsner, and Woodchuck Cider. |
Naughty or nice? Because of a boyhood trauma during Christmas, a man remains slightly obsessed with the holiday for the rest of his life, becoming a toy maker and keeping track of which children are naughty and nice. After learning of his company's corporate greed he snaps and goes on a killing spree dressed as Santa. Director Lewis Jackson in person with his own 35mm print! Followed by beer and pizza reception. Come give Lewis your worst Christmas presents!
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Pioneer Theater
Calendar-style schedule - Pioneer Theater front page
